what do i have to do?

So I've figured out what my problem may be...
I think I have an addici

all falls down.

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together..."

I have never been lucky with love. Period.
I've been lucky with catching the eye of men, but never quite that lucky with keeping that eye on me...and I have no idea why.

Right now I'm going through a huge transition. I'm relocating, starting/finishing school, checking my emotions (finally); I'm finally making moves towards achieving my wildest dreams...so why do I need a man involved in all of this? The truth is men distract me somewhat. Maybe not from my big picture, but they sure have a way of distracting me from the little goals needed to get to the big picture. And those baby steps are what I need to make it too the top...I just keep letting assholes get in my way.

For example: I met this swagtastic man this past weekend. His style and sex appeal was setting my swag-o-licious meter off the fuggin charts. Thats how great his presence was. And he was quiet & chill (my polar opposite) which is exactly the type of man I like. Anyhoo, he had swag & the looks & charisma, and I we exchange numbers...then the shit hit the damn fan. Y must I get my mind wrapped up in something that so obviously won't amount to anything? The same thing happened with T, Football Player & Baby Daddy (code names). I have guy friends who I can say ANYTHING too and do ANYTHING with (except sex) and I have not a care in the world about how they view me. I'd just like to have someone who I love like a friend but want to rip off their clothes also. It's like those 2 emotional parts of us won't merge...In the world of Usher and Lil Jon...I want a lover and a friend damnit!

So I had made the decision when this summer began to take the steps towards my dreams ALONE, without a companion. It seems like the right thing to do. Spending this next few years single will give me the focus I need to make my little dreams come true while at the same time setting the stage for my big ones...

Some male attention would be nice tho...
Ok, I'm trippin. See what I mean by distracted? Oye vay!

love it or hate it the underdog's on top.

I haven't been around for awhile...
& trust me when I tell you, nothing life altering has changed.

Which is something I'm not quite use too. Ever since I made the decision to transfer back home and finish school, my life has been drama free. It's so funny how once we become use to all the bullshit going on in our lives, when it ceases to exist, things become weird for us and sometimes we go out and seek that chaos. Well I think I'm just about finish seeking the chaos because it has no place in my world anymore. And that feels so good...

Went to Columbus this weekend to visit KP & Dani with mis chica Booty Meat (bait!). I had a good time seeing them, I'm certainly going to miss that portion of Kent next year. Anyhoo, I achieved my goal and had one more big 'pissy drunk' night before it was time to grow up. Met some nice people & some cool swagtastic Iota's who I was a little sketchy about at first, but turned out to be pretty cool men. All in all it was a terrific weekend. Check the pics...













peace & love.

dad.

One thing I've never been able to wrap my mind around is the way my father leads his life, and the lack of appreciation he receives for being the wonderful person he is. Can someone say overworked & under-appreciated?

My father is my hero. Yes, we have a terrific relationship. No, we do not get along all the time (we get on each others nerves a lot), but there is no one on this earth I would rather have as a father and a best friend. He's truly one of a kind, and everyday I pray that I'm just like him...under-appreciated and all.

I've watched my Dad get the short end of so many sticks on my lifetime (yea, all 22 years). He's been mistreated by loved ones, put out of his way, pitied, and beat down so many times, but stuff like this never phases him. Yes, he gets discouraged sometimes (everyone does), but every moment of discouragement drives him the pick himself up, and keep going.

I admire my dad because he's never given up on me or my siblings. Even when we fuck up, he's always there to reprimand, pick us up off the ground, and encourage us to keep it moving towards our goal. I work for my father. I go to school for my father. I'm getting my degree(s) for my father. Why? Because I want him never to have to worry about anything ever again...

do the right thing dee...

For once I think I did the right thing.

For the most part, I'm the type of person that needs to announce if something or someone is out of order. Especially when it has something to do with me. I'm not the girl who's quiet & complacent. Sometimes I can seem that way, but most of the time I'm usually the one who needs to be vindicated.

Boy, have times changed.

Where once I was high strung, drama filled, loud & obnoxious, now I'm slowly allowing things to roll of my back. I'm not really concerned with the opinions others have about me. Once upon a time I cared...now...not so much. What people think or say about me is a matter of opinion, good or bad. I could care less about either one...

Today was the perfect example. I had a friend (HAD...ahem) who did something that really irritated me. I take that back. She's flat out untrustworthy. I can never be too sure that the things coming out of her mouth are really true. Anyway, she flat out played me, which is something that I have NEVER been able to suck up and move on from. When I'm played, you are gonna know that I know what it is, and how that shit will never happen again. So I got played & didn't respond to it like I'm sure a lot of people were expecting me too...with someone getting cussed the hell out. I instead did the complete opposite. I let it roll off my back.

There are some people we just don't need in our lives. I've learned that the people that keep shit going, are a prime example of the people I don't need in mine. As much as we may love or like them, a headache is not worth someone who keeps popping up stirring up trouble. I've got better shit to worry about, ya dig?

You know there's this quote that says something about a million people would love to see you fall & right now I don't think there is any other words that can describe the way I'm feeling. I think everyone has people that hate them, why should I be any different. I guess what I've gotta do now is not let the shit effect me so much, ya know? Try not to let it ruin my day or feel bad about someone disliking me. At the end of the day all I've got is myself anyway, right?