Today I got to thinking about friendship & family.
What happens to the friends that turn into family and the people in our family who become more like our friends...
And what happens to the wayward friendships & family members we lose along the way...
If there is nothing else I love more in my life, it's my family and friends. They make me who I am now and shape who I'll become in the future. They are my essence, my soul, my heart, and I cherish them more than anything in this world. I have friends who are my family and I have family who are my friends. But what happens to the ones that I've lost along my journey?
I'm listening to Sade's song 'Love is Stronger than Pride' and as I'm listening to it, these lyrics have popped out and bitch slapped me in the face...
"I won't pretend that I'll stop loving you. I won't pretend I'm good at forgiving. But I can't hate you. Though I've tried..."
I've tried to hate those wayward friends and family for a long time. I've tried to hate all the people I thought had done me wrong in the past, present, or those who I think will do me wrong in the future. I've spent so much time placing blame and finding fault that I've lost what it means to look into yourself and reflect.
I know that I am a flawed individual. I know I'm not perfect, and I never will be, but I can't and will not be walked on for any reason what so ever. I can't control what others think of me, but I can control what I think of myself. I'm a pretty decent person with big dreams. I love those who love me. And I forgive those who forgive me. Sometimes I get sad thinking of all the people who aren't in my life and what happened to result in them not being around. There's a ton of things that I could have done differently in the past, but being that those events are behind me, they can't be changed. All I can do is pray for forgiveness, forgive, and then forget it.
Big meeting tomorrow about my future. I'm a little nervous. Please pray for me.