3.27.2008

bipolar?

So people think I'm crazy.

And trust me underneath all this happyness and laughter I bring into the lives of others, I really am crazy. It's not the 'I'll fucking cut you, you cunt ass bitch' type crazy...it's more of the 'you need to stay the hell away from me when I'm angry or I'll kill you' type crazy. Which is like a lot of people in my opinion. I have a temper. It takes a lot to make me go over the edge, but when you do it can get very ugly rather quickly. Not my fault it's apart of who I am, so don't call it what it isn't. It's a damn anger issue...NOT bipolarism...

The truth of the matter is that I'm going through a world of issues right now. I don't have enough money for rent, and I may be out on my ass very soon, my schooling is in jeopardy because of my lack of financial resources, my parents are less than helpful when it comes to money, my friends are flaking out on me every single day, and I just recently had my heart broken. These are the things that NORMAL people my age go through while in college, and sometimes, yes, I may complain about these things to people who I consider to be 'friends' hoping they'd understand and give me a shoulder to cry on, but I guess expecting that was expecting too much...as usual.

For people to think that because I'm not giddy with glee 24 hours of the fucking day = me being bipolar is some bullshit. Especially when I sit through sob story after sob story and listen to other people and what the hell their going through all the damn time. I give out advice like their free condoms, but when I need someone to be there for me, it's always the same fucking thing...'Dee's being over dramatic....OMG I think she's bipolar...It seems like she's always going through something or complaining...She sounds like a broken recored...' And all this shit is said to my back NEVER to my front. Fuck that. Real friends say anything and everything to your face. Real friends don't judge you, and real friends listen. Real PEOPLE understand that everyone goes through something @ one point in time, and the shit doesn't make you suicidal or bipolar, it makes them HUMAN!

I am a young educated Black woman who is having serious emotional, financial and spiritual issues. I am NOT sick. I am 21! I'm entitled to my opinion on the things that are going on in MY life. Why?! BECAUSE THE SHIT IS MINE! As fucked up as I may seem or my life may seem, this is what it is, and if someone has a fucking problem with that, they can kiss by young, Black, educated ASS...

Enjoy Bitches...

1 comment:

  1. i feel u 100%!!! i went through the same shit when i was in college... in the end everything will have been worth it. but the struggle to get there is a bitch.

    and i know what u mean about friends... they expect u to be the "fun/happy one" all the time. so when ur not, they arent prepared to deal with it.

    when i was going through the motions like that, i felt like i needed to go on a spiritual journey. i HIGHLY recommend the book The 4 Agreements. it's a short read and so worth it!

    great blog btw!

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