1.25.2008

Why waste a second not loving who you are?



Freckles - Natasha Bedingfield
Make Me Over - Tonex
Still - Kirk Franklin

"I used to care so much about what others think about, I almost didn't have a thought of my own. The slightest remark would make me embark on the journey of self-doubt, but that was a while ago. This girl has got stronger - and if I knew then what I know now,
I would've told myself don't worry any longer - it's ok...Because a face without freckles is like a sky without stars. Why waste a second not loving who you are? It's those imperfections that make you beautiful, valuable, loveable, they show your personality, inside your heart...reflecting who you are..." -Natasha Bedingfield (Freckles)

I've been absent from this blog due to the overwhelming work load I've taken on with school and living my already hectic life. Plus I've had nothing to write about. Until now. Throughout the last few weeks of my life I've dealt with not only losing things I thought I'd have forever, but I've also faced a situation that I've never had to endure quite as much as I have right now...this being self doubt. I'm not the most confident person in the world. But don't get me wrong, I know my worth. I'm priceless. There are very few people I know personally in this world who can go through as much as I have and am having to endure now and still can say that they are at the top of their game. God made a true one of a kind when He made me...

BUT...I feel my confidence wavering a little. At least my confidence with the way I look on the outside. If I could portray the confidence I have in my outer looks the same way I do about my inner, I'd be good to go. But for some reason it's failing. I've thought for a long time that I've lost my mojo...and by mojo, I mean confidence in everything I do. Lately I've just, well, not been caring a lot about the way I look , the things I say..how I'm portrayed to others...To put it plainly...I stopped giving a shit a LONG time ago. But it still bothers me when people ask dumb ass questions about the way I look and my sudden lack of confidence in myself...

I get it. I'm not the prettiest girl around, I'm not even the cutest. But I'm D'Onna, and I have to live with that fact every single day. I love me. I love the imperfections I look at in the mirror, and I'm beginning to not really give a crap about being 'fresh' or 'cute' or even 'beautiful' in the eyes of people around me. Theres a part of a really cool quote that says: "People who matter, don't mind..." And the people I'm around don't necessarily care what I look like or if I'm having a rough time maintaining my 'freshness'...They love me 4 me. And that seems to be all that matters.

I use to be pressed about having beautiful friends and always being the ugly duckling around amazingly beautiful people. I'm not so stressed anymore. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I still let it get to me but, I whole heartedly believe that whoever God has for me, He'll send to me. I can't worry about always being the sidekick or the 'ugly friend' as some have said. Because I know I'm not ugly (LOL). Honestly, I'd probably repel the idea of having so many admirers, because I hate attention for what I have going on on the outside.


So I guess I'm going to sit here and love every imperfection I find within and out of myself. No sense in fulfilling everyone else's desires for what they want me to look like or act like because shit like that changes everyday. For now I think I'll just be D'Onna and love who and what God made me into. I just kinda wish I didn't always have to hear about every imperfection someone finds in me...Because that shit gets old....

Content in His arms...
D'Onna LeSean

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