6.25.2008

mentally misconfigured...

I've always felt like a creative person.

I think in a way we all have creative tendencies, yes, some more than others, but we all have creative juices flowing through us none the less. I also think that people use the creativity given to them in different ways. Some of us use them for political purposes to run campaigns (ahem...Obama for instance), while others use them for stage, film, & fashion. I like the think of myself as a well rounded bullshitter, meaning I can talk about pretty much anything by just knowing the bare necessities of the conversation. Good for networking, but bad for putting my thumb on something I can do for the rest of my life.

My numero uno (Dad) gave me this book to read when I came back here. It's entitled 'the 5 secrets you must discover before you die'. Pretty intense huh? Actually being the nerd I am, I actually find the book quite useful. At this critical point in my life (can someone say 'fork in the road') I'm often finding myself second guessing the path that I've chosen to take. Granted helping people realize their own dreams is something that I've wanted to do practically my whole life, AND the human mind does excite and get my blood flowing, but at the same time, how am I suppose to help others achieve and realize their own dreams, when I'm not even sure what mine are anymore?

I have to admit my first love is the arts. But my biggest hang up in life is being stable. A degree in Psychology, a Masters in Counseling, and hopefully a PsyD in Clinical Psychology are the steps that are obvious to take in my life in order to achieve that financial stability. Writing & other forms of expressing myself have always been things that have been done in my down time. The stuff that makes me the happiest, the most at ease. Nothing makes me happier than reading a book, or listening to music, or writing, or taking pictures. Nothing in this world can compare to the feeling these things bring me. But I want to feel like that all the time. I want to be able to wake up & actually enjoy the things I do all day, not just be interested in them.

So I'm stuck. Should I follow my heart? Or my bank account?

Practicality sucks by the way...

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