3.30.2008

help me believe

Todays Playlist

Chains - Kirk Franklin
All Things Are Working - Fred Hammond
Mercy Said No - Cece Winans

"Chains, I'm a heart full of sorrow. Chains, I won't sleep well tonight because of these chains. How I long for tomorrow, because today, I have no tears left to cry. Chains, though it feels cold like winter. Chains, I will fight to remember that by Your stripes I'm healed. To your heart Lord I appeal. Please free me from these chains..." -Kirk Franklin (Chains)

Today was weird. I'm at a place right now thats very scary. Everything I've worked for, and everything I've fought for, for so long might be gone tomorrow and totally in vain. My reputation as a strong woman is in jeopardy, and I have no one to blame but myself. It's taken so long for me to be able to forgive myself and move on from the things that I've done in the past, but people keep reminding me that I'm not so perfect after all. And if it's one thing I hate in this world it's seeming or looking bad in someone else's eyes.

I know that I'm not perfect. I'm far from it, but I still try really hard to be the best person I can be, and not allow my flaws to get the best of me and be exposed. I know I deserved this. I know I deserve worse, but I'm just praying and hoping that God sees past this obvious mistake and allows me to have another chance. I want to be free from these chains that are binding me and holding my progress back. I want to be able to walk with my head held high, and not low with shame and regret. I want to be free from all the judgements people throw my way, and not care if others see me in a less than bright light. I just want to be me, and not be ashamed or embarrassed anymore.

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