4.22.2008

things that make me go...hmmm

Sometimes I think people need to learn when to shut the hell up, and back away. Period.

There are moments when I think that life is wonderful. My finances are in the right spot. My school work is doing fine. My friends aren't acting suspect. My love life, though non-existent, doesn't phase me. Everything is good. Everything is great. Everything is fantastic.

And then there are times like this, where I'd like to smack the shit out of the first person who even speaks to me...

For some reason, moments like this come more often than you'd imagine. It honestly seems like every second of every one of my precious days on this campus is spent hating someone or something...or worrying about something or someone I can't control...

And I'm sick of it...

I'd just like to wake up one morning and not wonder what low blow is gonna be dealt to me. I'd like to wake up and not be scared my landlord is going to be banging on my door kicking me out. That my friends aren't going to be talking about me behind my back. That my 'ex' isn't going to make me cry...that I'm going to be able to stay in school. Sometimes I think so negatively about things because it's like 2nd nature to me. Like it's a reflex...and that ain't healthy.

This weekend is more than likely going to blow. Someone is bound to piss me off, my plans are not going to follow through, and my heart will be broken once again. Sometimes you just gotta be realistic with yourself and know that everything isn't going to be a bed of roses...

Lord, just keep me in school. I don't care about anything or anyone else but finishing here and leaving. Please let them have mercy on me...

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